Terms of Endearment
by TehKusoGaki
Summary: A small request turns into a heated bout of name calling.


Title: Terms of Endearment

Characters: Eiri, Shuichi

Summary: Shuichi has something important to ask Eiri.

Genre: comedy/fluff

Rating/Warnings: OT/ language, and overt reference to anal sex, idiocy, more sexual conduct, name calling, and my usual tasteless sense of humor.

Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Murakami and its respective copyright holders. I only borrow the characters to make them do silly things.

"Yuki! Yuki! Yuki! I'm home!"

Eiri jerked up from the keyboard he was hunched over upon hearing Shuichi's' customary greeting followed by the sound of the front door slamming shut and two loud thuds from haphazardly kicked off shoes colliding against the wall. His fingers slid on the keys and a string of curses escaped his lips when a string of garbled gibberish appeared on the screen in front of him.

He growled in irritation and hit the backspace button until the jumble of random letters disappeared.

Damn it! Was Shuichi home early?

5:37 pm...

No. Eiri had been so immersed in his work that he hadn't noticed how late it was.

"Yuuukiiii!" Shuichi called again.

Eiri could hear Shuichi scampering about searching for him. As always, Shuichi ran though the apartment, opening and slamming every door shut in his wake. Eiri shook his head in bemusement and wondered why his office was always the last place Shuichi ever looked, despite the fact that it was where he could usually be found.

Still, it gave Eiri fair warning of and time to prepare for Shuichi's welcome home tackle, so he wouldn't complain about Shuichi's ridiculous theatrics.

Much.

The thunder of footsteps clattering down the hallway told Eiri that Shuichi was getting close. How could such a little guy make such a big racket?

Eiri estimated he had all of about three seconds until Shuichi barged though the doorway.

3...

Eiri removed his glasses and placed them in the top drawer of his desk, where they were unlikely to fall off his head and get stepped or sat on, as had happened so many times before.

2...

Eiri saved his document. He had gotten a lot of work done and didn't want to risk accidentally losing it all. Mizuki had been bitching at him all week despite the fact that he was well ahead of schedule.

1...

Eiri pushed himself out of his comfy office chair. It hadn't been so bad when he still had his old chair, but this new chair Shuichi had bought for him had wheels. It was great when he was hopelessly stuck on a scene and bored out of his mind at two in the afternoon, which for some reason was when he invariably hit the metaphorical wall. He would often wheel himself around the office while working through his writer's block. It was silly, yes, and he would be mortified if anyone knew about his strange quirk, but it was better than losing games of solitaire to his computer, and Shuichi would scold him if he started drinking that early in the afternoon.

0...

Eiri braced himself for impact.

_WHAM!_

The force with which Shuichi leapt at him caused Eiri to stagger, but since he was expecting it, he was able to keep his footing instead of collapsing on the floor.

"There you are, Yuki!" Shuichi bubbled excitedly. He wrapped his arms and legs around Eiri's shoulders and hips and asked, "What were you hiding for?"

"I wasn't," Eiri grumbled, but although the tone of his voice was harsh, he made no effort to push away his annoying, overly excitable chimp of a boyfriend, instead opting for cupping his hands under the boy's pert little ass to support him and keep him from sliding down. "I'm in here every damn day working, dumbass. You ought to know where to look for me by now."

"Oh, I, uh…" Shuichi blushed. "Sorry. Aren't you going to welcome me home?"

"Welcome home, brat," Eiri whispered. He gave Shuichi a brief tender kiss.

Shuichi sighed contentedly and rested his head on Eiri's shoulder…until Eiri cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Get off. Now. You're heavy."

Leave it to Mr. Romance to totally ruin the moment.

"I am not, you jerk!" Shuichi protested and clung to Eiri even more tightly.

"Are too," Eiri said in a firm manner that left no room for argument. He released Shuichi's buttocks and gave him a light slap on the rear to show him he meant it. "Down. Now."

Shuichi groaned in disappointment but unwrapped his legs from around Eiri and slid back down to the floor.

"You seem excited today," Eiri commented as soon as the boy's feet landed on the floor. "What has you so keyed up? Good day at work?"

"Yeah!" Shuichi chirped. "We finally finished recording all the tracks for the next album, and I only flubbed up once."

Shuichi struck a dramatic victory pose that Eiri scoffed at.

"Yes, very nice." Eiri tried not to display too much venomous sarcasm as he rolled his eyes and sat back down in his chair.

"But that's not what I'm so happy about," Shuichi continued babbling, either oblivious or indifferent to Eiri's mocking.

"Oh?" Eiri was intrigued and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I, uh, umm…" Shuichi stammered and his cheeks flushed a bright pink. "I have something to show you."

Eiri's heart skipped a beat, then flopped around wildly in his chest.

'_Please don't let it be a tattoo, or a piercing, or some weird creature he brought home with him.'_

"What?" Eiri asked, keeping his voice perfectly flat.

"Let me go get it." Shuichi ran out of room, leaving Eiri apprehensive.

Eiri glanced around the room as his feeling of dread grew, causing his stomach to churn. Damn, he wished there was an easy way out of this. His eyes settled on the window on the far wall and he wondered if he had time to make it out the fire escape.

"I'm back!" Shuichi exclaimed, strolling back into the room waving something around in the air.

Looked like…

A magazine?

Oh, shit. Eiri wondered what lies trashy tabloid so-called 'journalists' were writing about them now. And why the hell was Shuichi so happy about it? Did he crave the attention so much that he didn't mind the assumptions made about every minute detail of their personal lives?

Shuichi walked up to Eiri's desk, leaned over it in a way that Eiri normally would have been quite happy to take advantage of, and tossed the magazine onto Eiri's unprotected lap. Eiri flinched at the unexpected action and glared at Shuichi, who continued to lean forward and grin like an idiot.

Eiri shook his head and turned his gaze away from his idiot lover to look at the magazine, which had come dangerously close to landing on a delicate spot, and blinked in surprise. He was expecting to see a ridiculous tabloid with some blurry cover shot of them together splashed with headlines like "Yushu Sex Tape Scandal! Guess who likes bottoming", or "Shindou Pregnant? See inside for exclusive information on this scientific miracle", or some other equally ludicrous lie.

Instead, he saw the kind of magazine favored by teenage girls.

He was relieved that it wasn't something worse, but irritated that Shuichi had worried him over something so trivial.

"Idiot," he scoffed, picking up the magazine and using it to give Shuichi a light rap on the head. "Why are you wasting my time with this?"

"Oww," Shuichi groaned, and made a big show of rubbing the top of his head, despite the fact that Eiri had barely tapped him. "Bully. I just wanted to show you this article."

Annoyed, Eiri tossed the magazine onto his desk, where it landed right in front of Shuichi. Eiri reached for his cigarettes and lighter, and took his first puff while Shuichi continued to pout.

"Why are you reading this shit?" Eiri growled, irritated. "Last I checked, you weren't a fifteen year old girl, or has something changed since our quickie in the shower this morning?"

"YUUUUUKIIIII!" Shuichi squealed, and blushed a delicious shade of crimson.

Eiri smirked over the strong reaction and leaned back in his chair as he took a long drag from his cigarette, waiting for a more intelligent response.

"Quickie, my ass!" Shuichi yelled in frustration, pounding his fists on the desk "You didn't let up until the water ran cold!"

Shuichi leaned over the desk again and scowled at Eiri. He started pouting once again, sticking his lower lip out, and huffed, waiting for Eiri's response.

Eiri tried not to chuckle at Shuichi pretending to be tough. Amused, he pulled himself out of his chair, tapped the ash off his cigarette before setting it on the edge of the ashtray, and cupped Shuichi's chin in his hand.

Shuichi's eyes widened and his lower lip quivered a bit at the contact, but he didn't back down, even though Eiri brought his face within mere inches of his.

"You shouldn't tempt me like that," Eiri whispered seductively, keeping his eyes locked on Shuichi's and gently tracing Shuichi's lower lip with his thumb, "when there isn't any cold water to stop me this time."

Eiri leaned in even closer to the dumbfounded vocalist, closing the remaining gap between them and capturing Shuichi's tantalizing lips with his own. Eiri gently nipped at Shuichi's protruding lip, eliciting a small gasp. Shuichi was too stunned to respond properly at first, but when Eiri's tongue insistently began to press against his lips, Shuichi parted them and allowed Eiri to kiss him deeply.

Permission granted, Eiri confidently began to explore the familiar territory of Shuichi's mouth. Shuichi moaned at Eiri's eagerness. He wrapped his arms around Eiri and tried to pull him closer but…

Shuichi broke the kiss and let out an impatient growl.

The stupid desk was in the way!

He grunted in irritation and decided that nothing was going to get between him and his Yuki. Careful not to damage Eiri's laptop, which was off to one side, Shuichi climbed on top of the desk and tugged at Eiri's shirt to get the man to resume his passionate kisses.

Eiri was more than happy to comply; this was much better than having Shuichi pester him about some frivolous magazine article.

Using the height advantage being on the desk gave him, Shuichi tried to take the lead. Eiri was surprised, but turned on, by Shuichi's aggressiveness, and let Shuichi take a more forceful role in the kiss. Shuichi began tugging at Eiri's shirt buttons with one hand while the fingers of the other hand combed through Eiri's soft golden locks.

Meanwhile, Eiri returned Shuichi's enthusiasm in earnest, sliding a hand underneath Shuichi's shirt to tease and pinch one of his nipples and dipping his other hand inside Shuichi's impossibly tight jeans to grope his ass. Eiri was thrilled to discover that Shuichi had not bothered to wear any underwear, though he suspected it was because otherwise Shuichi would not have fit into the painted on pair of pants.

Shuichi gasped when one of Eiri's fingers slipped into the crease between his ass cheeks. Though Eiri had enjoyed seeing Shuichi's bolder side, it was time for him to regain the upper hand.

Shuichi moaned in pleasure and longing as Eiri once again kissed him deeply and forcefully.

He wanted Eiri now!

Giving up on the remaining button, Shuichi grabbed the fabric of Eiri's shirt and pulled, popping the final button off and exposing Eiri's chest.

Eiri pushed himself away from Shuichi and quirked his eyebrow, somehow managing to look both annoyed and amused.

"I liked that shirt, brat," he complained.

"You have a dozen more exactly like it!" Shuichi whined, and grabbed at the material again to pull Eiri back toward him. "Quit teasing, and do me already!"

That was a request Eiri found hard to refuse.

Shuichi wrapped his arms around Eiri while Eiri proceeded to give Shuichi little love bites at the junction of his neck and shoulder and worked on unfastening his pants.

Shuichi groaned when Eiri managed to get the top button undone but instead of unzipping the rest of his fly and freeing his arousal, Eiri palmed it through the fabric. Damn, Eiri could be such a tease.

The position Shuichi was in was starting to hurt his knees, so he shifted around to-

_Rip!_

The loud tearing sound brought Shuichi out of his lust-induced haze and he broke away from Eiri, gasping for air and gaping at the desk in horror.

"Wah!" he shouted and leapt off the desk.

Eiri blinked in startled confusion and tried to figure out what the hell had made Shuichi jump five feet away from him when less than a second ago, he had been desperate to have him.

He followed Shuichi's gaze to the magazine Shuichi had brought home and tried to show him, its cover ripped in half.

Eiri looked back up at Shuichi, who was on the verge of tears.

"Don't worry, I'll get you a new one." Eiri tried to sound comforting instead of mocking, but Shuichi had vaulted well beyond overreacting. It was only a stupid magazine after all. "Come on, let's get back to what we were doing, and I'll buy you another copy later."

"But- but- but-" Shuichi walked back up to the desk and picked up magazine as gingerly as if he were handling a wounded animal.

The pained look of loss on Shuichi's face was similar to that of a great art lover who had accidentally broken the statue of David or gouged the Mona Lisa.

Damn it! Eiri slumped back in his chair again and wondered if after all that teasing, his balls were literally blue.

He scanned his desk to see if his cigarette was still sitting on the edge of the ashtray where he left it and saw that it had burned itself down to the filter. Eiri wanted to light a new one, but he had made a promise to cut back, and that was the final one he was allowed for the day.

Argh! When had he become so whipped?

Eiri scowled at the source of his frustration, who was clutching the magazine to his chest and acting like rainbows had been drained of color.

"You never did answer my question," Eiri sighed.

"Huh?" Shuichi turned his attention to Eiri and tilted his head in confusion.

"Why did you buy that in the first place?"

"Oh," Shuichi answered. "It had an interview with Bad Luck I wanted to read."

"Weren't you there for it?"

"Well, yeah," Shuichi mumbled, "but sometimes they don't print all the questions, and I think Tohma makes them censor a lot of stuff, so I wanted to see what made it to print."

Eiri was certain that ninety-nine percent of the things that Tohma made them cut out consisted of Shuichi accidentally letting slip too much information about their sex life.

"Didn't you already tell me about the interview?" Eiri asked with an air of complete boredom. "I'm really not interested in hearing about it again."

"Don't worry. That isn't the article I wanted to show you."

"Then what was so important that you had to show it to me?"

"Uh…" Shuichi started flipping through the pages of his magazine and stopped when he found the receipt he'd been using as a bookmark.

"Ah!" he exclaimed and walked around the desk to Eiri. He took a seat on the writer's lap and opened the pages wide so Eiri could see them.

Eiri squinted at the blurry words and images and cursed a bit about getting old. While his eyesight wasn't great, he could usually manage to read most print if he had to, but by the end of day, his eyes were tired and he couldn't distinguish one letter from another. He leaned forward to retrieve his reading glasses from the drawer where he had put them earlier, but because Shuichi was blocking his way and he had moved his chair back so Shuichi could sit on his lap, he wasn't even able to get close enough to the drawer to touch it, let alone open it.

Using his feet to propel him, Eiri tried to roll the chair closer to the desk, which prompted a fit of giggles from Shuichi. Eiri glared at the twerp, and as an apology Shuichi grabbed Eiri's glasses for him and carefully placed them on his nose.

Eiri adjusted the glasses so they were more comfortable and turned his attention back to the magazine.

"Tch…" Eiri clicked his tongue in disappointment. "You give these people an exclusive interview and they don't even put your picture on cover? I guess Bad Luck is no longer the hot shit it used to be, huh?"

"That's not true!" Shuichi objected defensively. "We're as popular as ever! They promised us the cover and two full pages of pictures, but scheduling conflicts kept us from getting into the studio for a photo shoot before this issue's release. That's why only half the interview was published. They plan on publishing the rest of it with some extras next issue! We'll be on the cover then, so there!"

"All right, you don't have to yell," Eiri scolded. He loved winding Shuichi up, but sometimes the brat got too loud when he was upset.

Eiri patted Shuichi on the head and made a huge mistake.

He read the headline of the article.

"What do your pet names say about your relationship?" Eiri read out loud, stumbling over the words as if they were foreign to him. Eiri quickly closed the magazine as though it was a trap that might otherwise spring on him. "What the hell is this about?"

"Well," Shuichi explained as he fidgeted on the author's lap. "I was reading this, and it said you can tell all sorts of things about what your boyfriend thinks of you by what kind of nickname he gives you, and I got to thinking, 'Wouldn't it be cute if Yuki and I had pet names for each other?', so I was wondering… What name should I give you?"

Eiri was stunned speechless, and more than a little impressed that Shuichi could spew out so much word-garbage in a single breath.

"I mean," Shuichi rambled on, trying to prevent an awkward silence because Eiri didn't respond right away, "you're a big tough guy and all, so I understand if you don't want a cutesy name like 'Cupcake' or 'Muffin', but how about something cool like 'Tiger' or 'Cuddle Bear'?"

_Those were cool?_

"I don't cuddle," Eiri said flatly as his mind struggled to formulate a coherent response to Shuichi's lunacy.

"You do too!" Shuichi protested. "Especially at night! Sometimes I can't sleep because you're such a furnace."

"Uh…"

"You can give me a cute nickname too."

Eiri finally shook himself out of his shocked stupor.

"What are you talking about? I have plenty of cute nicknames for you, baka."

"_Baka_ is not a cute nickname! And you didn't tell me what I can call you."

Shuichi shifted his position, turning around so that he could straddle Eiri's legs and meet his gaze with a challenging stare.

"You can call me by my name, or maybe 'Master' if we're in the bedroom," Eiri smirked as Shuichi's cheeks turned red. "Besides, I think 'baka' is an adorable pet name."

"Jerk," Shuichi accused him.

"That's a little better, brat." Eiri said, just to provoke him.

"Bastard!"

"Dumbass."

"Bully!"

"Punk."

"Asshole!"

"Toilet hole."

"Baldy!"

"Kuso gaki_._"

"Grrr…" Shuichi growled through his teeth, determined to win, though he wasn't sure what game Eiri was playing at. "You… you… you… meanie!"

"That last one was weak, Shu-chan. You running out of ideas?"

"_Yuuukiii!" _Shuichi whined in exasperation. Why did Eiri always have to win these fights, and why did he always have to be so smug about it? "You asshole!"

"You said that one already. Face it, sugarcakes, this was a bad idea."

Shuichi tried to think of something, anything that could turn things around, but at best he was grasping at straws. He sighed and lowered his head in defeat.

"Fine," he mumbled. "You were right, this was dumb. I guess I'll keep calling you Yuki."

Crushed, Shuichi tried to run off, but the instant he pushed himself off of Eiri, the writer grabbed him and pulled him back down onto his lap again.

"Let me go!" Shuichi yelled. He was always sincere in his desire to show affection to and obtain affection from Eiri in return, but always, _always,_ he got shot down, mocked and ridiculed for it.

"Hey, quit that," Eiri whispered into his ear.

Shuichi didn't know why, but whenever Eiri used that tone of voice, it always relaxed him. He instantly stopped struggling and melted into Eiri's embrace.

"You haven't been listening to me, have you?" Eiri asked.

"Huh?" Shuichi was confused. He pulled himself far enough away from Eiri to look him in the face and blush a little bit when he realized that Eiri's shirt was still wide open because of his earlier actions. "Yes, I have. You said that you don't want me to give you a pet name and you want to be called by…"

Shuichi's eyes widened as the realization dawned on him.

_My name._

Eiri said, 'You can call me by my name.'

Eiri was giving him permission to call him by his very own name.

"Eiri…" he whispered.

The name felt strange, but somehow _right._

Before Shuichi could say anything more, Eiri silenced him by locking his lips over Shuichi's and engaging them in a passionate kiss. When Eiri finished, he tenderly wiped away the tears that Shuichi was unaware were forming in the corners of his eyes and spoke quietly.

"Shuichi, I don't need to be called anything else other than that. I can be myself with you."

The End.

Thankies to lawless523 for the awesome betaness. I was the last person to lay my hands on this though, so any oddities are author error.

Glossary of foreign terms:

Baka: Idiot, fool, or moron, and Eiri's most common nickname for Shuichi.

Kuso gaki: 'damn brat.' If you listen to the Japanese language track of the anime, you'll hear Eiri call Shuichi this several times. Also my nom de plume.

Thank you very much for reading; feedback is appreciated.


End file.
